you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
