Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
