1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
