I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
