So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
