I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
