Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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