Swine flu. Run for my life!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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