It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
try to milk me bitch
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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