We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
