Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
