So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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