So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
