I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
