TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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