found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
