Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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