Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
