she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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