I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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