Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
