I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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