I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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