my phone needs a breathalizer
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm at about main and main street
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
