I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
