she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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