the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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