i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
