some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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