Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
