watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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