how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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