I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
