if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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