I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
