It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
