R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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