You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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