somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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