As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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