My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
