Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
