Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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