I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
