I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
