dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
