I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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