Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
