My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
that may or may not have been my penis.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
