my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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